a year of happy

what it's all about

What would you consider
a necessity
in your kitchen?

The fridge?
The microwave?

How about the
dishwasher?

After our trip
to Central America,
even running water
seems like a luxury.

We visited the homes
of some sweet people
who are in great need.

Here's where
they get their
water....

and this is their
faucet
and sink.

___________________________

I have struggled
since I came home
getting it all
in perspective.

Why am I
blessed
with so much?

Do I have
too much?

Am I grateful enough?

What should
I do about it?

I can't say
that I've figured
it out.
I'm still struggling.

But a friend who is
serving an LDS mission
in a poverty-stricken area
wrote this, and it helps:

"Serving in this mission,
we have seen people live without.
Without electricity,
running water,
plumbing,
an assortment of
food, cars, and jobs.

"We've wondered aloud,
why we have been
blessed with so much back home?

"Should we feel guilty
for the excess
we have always taken
for granted?

"We don't have the answers...
but we believe we should
enjoy what we have been
blessed with,
share it,
and thank
Heavenly Father
for all that we have
been given."

_______________________


I wrote this post last year,
after our trip to Guatemala.
Since then, we went to El Salvador
on another humanitarian trip.
The same questions filled my mind
as we served and worked with
those wonderful people.

One early morning,
I woke up with these words
ringing in my head,
"You are so blessed
so you can give."

You are so blessed
so you can give.
It makes sense, doesn't it?

I have been given so much,
so I can share it with others.

Not just so I can have more.

It's good to step out
of your comfort zone
once in awhile
to learn life's lessons
that really can change everything.

.

ten things i've learned about change

Earlier this month,
I wrote about a few experiences
that I call life changing.

That has been
an interesting experience.
It's made me think deeply
about my life,
about difficult times,
and ways I'm different
because of what I've been through.

It has also caused me to
reflect on the
whole concept of change...

...and the things
I've learned from change
and because of change.

If you'd like to read
my Life Changing Moments series,
here are the links:

Life Changing 

An Open Heart Experiment

I Heard it on the Radio

New Normal

My Brother's Keeper

I thought it might be good
to put my thoughts about change into words.
So here are my conclusions:

10 Things I've Learned About Change

1. Learn to look forward, not back. Be open to new experiences and new opportunities.
   .
2. Take charge. Instead of fighting change, create a new normal...one you choose to create.
   .
3. Some change comes because we decide we want to be different. Other changes are thrust upon us because of life's experiences. Be ready for both.
   .
4. If you are trying to make specific changes, decide what the changes are and how to measure your progress. Then acknowledge that progress with a big high five!
   .
5. Learn to be content and happy wherever you are.
   .
6. Make changes because they are right, not because someone thinks you should. But at the same time, learn to listen. Great advice can come from unexpected places.
   .
7. Prepare yourself for change. If you see a new time of life ahead, find ways to welcome and embrace it.
   .
8. Find the story in it. Write it down. Figure out what you are learning and how you are growing from the whole experience.
   .
9. Be willing to share your experiences and what you've learned with others.
   .
10. No experience is ever wasted. Life's experiences create us and mold us into who we will become. And we are always becoming.
    
    .

What have your
life's experiences
taught you about change?

my brother's keeper

.

LIFE CHANGING MOMENT #4...

.

 

As a Christian,
I've made covenants
to be my brother's keeper.

But it was on a trip
to Central America last year 
that I think I really began
to understand
what that might mean.

'D' and 'A' and I
joined a medical group last year on a
humanitarian service expedition
to Guatemala,
and then later to El Salvador.

We worked long, long days
treating patients
who did not have the means
to have these treatments
done on their own.

We treated patients
who had never
seen a doctor or dentist
in their lives.

We saw poverty and need
like I've never seen it before.

We met people who have nothing.
They do without cars,
and carpet, and televisions.
They have no refrigerators,
or dishwashers, or even running water.
All the luxuries--and necessities--
that I consider a
basic and normal
part of my life,
they can't even imagine.

They are humble and beautiful
and gracious and kind.

I wrote once before
about how I felt
and what I thought
I should do about it.
Please read that post 
to get the whole story.

As I said before,
I have struggled
since I came home.
I hear that's kind-of normal.

It's hard to reconcile
having so much when you see
those that have so little.

In the past several months,
I've pondered this a lot.
And I think it's changed me
and will continue
to change me
for a long time.

I've also found that
experiences like this
are only life-changing
if you allow them to be.

I certainly came home
changed emotionally.
But it's really easy
to be back here 
and get very used to
my lifestyle and old habits
and ways of doing things.

Nothing will be different
unless I make a
conscious effort
to be different.

I've narrowed it down
to a few things
I'm trying to focus on.
.

1. Simplify. I really don't need it all, although I don't need to get rid of it all either. But I can simplify my possessions, and my time, and focus on what's most important.
   .
   .
2. Service. This quote describes it best for me: "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." Spencer W. Kimball.
   .
   .
3. Stewardship. It was such a great experience to serve and give all day long, every day. That was part of the magic of the trip. And I liked the person I was while I was there. I decided I can bring that feeling home and try to be that person here-- within my responsibilities and relationships at home.  

I guess it boils down to this.

I am different. And I hope
I will never be the same.

___________________________

Have you ever
had an experience
that you knew
could change you
if you just worked hard enough
to make the changes last?

new normal

.

LIFE CHANGING MOMENT #3...

.

.

This is one of my
favorite photos of all time.
It reminds of
my three sweet babies...
who aren't babies anymore.

It also reminds me
of some of the best advice
I've ever received.

Advice about change.

I remember shortly after
that tiny baby in the photo was born,
I was talking to a friend.

I must have been
lamenting the fact
that I just couldn't
seem to get a handle on life
now that this new little person
was added to the mix.

I moaned,
"Oh I just can't wait
for everything
to get back to normal!"

She just looked at me.

And then with her
mother of teenagers' wisdom,
she said,
"You AREN'T going to
get back to normal.
You are going to
create a new normal."

A NEW NORMAL.

She was right.
I was fighting change,
instead of embracing it.

As much as I loved
this tiny little baby,
he was messing up my schedule.
I needed to
create a new one!

_____________________

My friend's advice
has come in handy
so many times since then.

When I'm dragging my heels
into a new life situation,
when I'm wanting to
hang on to the
old way of doing things,
I remember,
"I need to create a new normal."

I'm using it right now...
as I create a new normal
that includes
elderly parents-in-law
who aren't able to drive anymore.

And I will use it again
in a few months,
when my new normal
will mean an empty nest.

.

.

_____________________

.
Have you ever
received a bit of wise advice
that has changed your life?
.

_________________

i heard it on the radio

Life Changing Moment #2...

Okay, I changed my mind.

Yesterday, I told you I was going
to tell you
the one about a trip.

But I'm going to save that one for later.
Today I'm telling you
the one I heard on the radio.

This life changing moment
happened nearly thirty years ago.

My family lived in Idaho,
and I was going to college in Utah.
I had a REALLY hard time
making up my mind about
what to major in.

I got my Associates' from Ricks College
in General Ed because I couldn't
make a decision.
(Yes, you CAN do that.)

Then I went to BYU and floundered.
I met this really cute boy
(he ended up being a loser)
who convinced me that
the majors I liked
(Humanities, English, Writing)
were pointless and what I should
really major in was Business.

Fine for him...
but I did not have
a head for Business.
However, he was cute,
and I thought
I was in love.
So Fall Semester came along 
and I signed up for Accounting.
All because of him.

By the time the Semester started,
he had moved on--he stopped
calling me, dating me,
anything to do with me.

And there I was,
stuck in Accounting.

By the end of that semester,
I was a depressed mess.
And I knew that I should
never major in Business.

After the Christmas break,
I was headed back to Utah,
listening to the car radio.
An advertisement came on the radio
about a school for dental assistants.

I remember turning up the radio
and listening intently
to every detail.
And just like that,
I knew--
that's what I was going to do.
I was going to be a
Dental Assistant.

In that one life changing moment,
everything changed.

And here's what happened next.
.

.

• I did go to school to be a dental assistant. And I loved it! I never knew that I would enjoy health care, but I was fascinated. School all of a sudden was easy for me, and I enjoyed every minute. And health care became one of the passions of my life.
  .
  ..
• One of my church leaders was a doctor. He knew an oral surgeon who was hiring an assistant. Even before I was out of school, I got the job, and did all of my internship hours right there in his office. They taught me oral surgery on the job, and suddenly, I became an oral surgeon's assistant!
  
  .
• The nurse anesthetist at the office said to me one day, "My daughter is dating this boy and it's just not working out. If I can't have him for my son-in-law, I want you to have him. Would you go on a blind date with him?" I said, "Sure." The rest is, you know, history. That boy was D--and I married him two years later.
  .
  .
• I worked for the oral surgeon until I started having babies. Then I became a stay-at-home mother. Eighteen years later, I took my daughter to that same oral surgeon to get her wisdom teeth out. While I was there, they said, "One of the girls is going to have a baby. Would you like to come to work part time a couple of days a week?" Wow. I hadn't worked as an assistant for nearly twenty years! But my kids were teenagers, and the time seemed right, so I said yes--and I did it. I was amazed how fast it all came back to me. And suddenly, all over again, I became an oral surgeon's assistant!
  
  .
• I worked for about four more years just a couple of days a week until my doctor decided to retire. About a year later, I got a call from him one day. "I'm going on a humanitarian service expedition to Guatemala. I need an assistant. Do you want to go?" This was one of my lifetime dreams. Of course I wanted to go! And I did--giving me one more great story for another day...
  
  
  
  _______________________
  

You see?
One life changing moment
after another.
And it all started
when I heard it on the radio.

___________________________


I've still got one about a trip, and
one about a new baby.
Check back tomorrow
to see what one I'll tell next!

an open heart experiment

LIFE CHANGING MOMENT #1...

.
A few years ago,
I received a package in the mail
from a new friend
who worked for a
local publishing company.

Inside was a book
and a letter that invited me
to participate in a
very novel experiment.

The instructions for the experiment
were contained in the book,
and at the end of it,
all the participants would meet together
with the author
to discuss our experiences.

I was intrigued.
I opened the book to learn more
and from the get-go
I felt like I had found
something that would change my life.

A Heart Like His by Virginia Pearce:

What is the experiment all about?

As the introduction to the book states:

The love of God truly is the most joyous and delicious thing we can experience on this earth. It is so good that when we are filled with it, we are consumed with a desire that others should feel it too.

But experiencing God's love can be an elusive thing. Though we believe that His love is constant and unchanging, we seem unable as mortals to consistently feel it. And if we can't feel it, we are unable to help others feel it.

This book is meant to help the reader explore and experiment with the simple concept of opening her heart--simply making space for the Lord and others. Because this experiment is more about becoming than doing, it is simple, doesn't consume time, actually creates energy, and is therefore self-perpetuating.

The Experiment:

1. I will be more aware of the condition of my heart, and with that awareness, seek to keep it more open toward others.
2. I will do this in the normal course of my life, in other words, not feel pressured to put any extra activities into my day--no extra visit, casseroles, etc.
3. I will notice the way I feel and be willing to honestly report what happened or didn't happen.

A few guidelines:

• Observe the physical/emotional/spiritual response of your heart, independent of your words or actions.
• Think of your own metaphor for an open heart and a closed heart.
• Observe your physical approach to people. What is your body language saying?
• Take the initiative to get outside yourself and express an interest in those you encounter. Pray for the courage to do so.

MY EXPERIMENT:

I began by taking notice of the state of my heart. I noticed two things.

• One--my heart felt tight and tense. My weakness is that I get myself too busy, always in a hurry, never time to notice people or things around me. That's how my heart felt, uptight and busy.
• Two--my heart felt like a peach pit with a hard shriveled wall protecting the soft inside.

Why in the world did I have such a hard heart?

It took me a little thought to get to the bottom of it. But at the time, we were dealing with a very difficult teenage child. Over and over again, we faced oh-so-hard situations with this child that just hurt too much. I figured out that over time, it had become easier and safer to have a hard heart--it just didn't hurt so much.

So my first challenge was to slow down and quit racing around so that I could see and feel the people around me. And my biggest challenge was to open my heart to this child who I loved so much, but who was causing me such heartache.

______________

It took a little practice to get the feel of having an open heart. It wasn't natural or easy at first. I had to physically picture my heart softening and opening. It also helped to picture myself sharing the love of God with others through my actions. It actually was a very physical thing, this open-heart experiment.

I started to notice in my day-to-day activities that opportunities were there to have an open heart all the time. It seemed easiest with strangers--like in the store, or at the doctor's office, or even in traffic. It just took a minute to smile, or say a kind word, or to let someone go first in traffic. There were opportunities in my neighborhood to stop...and listen. There were always opportunities to stop rushing around, to slow down, and to find little ways to serve the people around me.

Often I would forget and have to really concentrate on being open-hearted--like when I was behind someone in a long line at the store who was returning multiple items, or waiting for a cashier who moved so-so-so-slowly. I had to consciously make an effort to reach out to them with my heart and try to imagine how they were feeling--and to find a way to say or do something to be kind.

It was much more difficult to open my heart to my own child than it was to any stranger. When you open your heart to a stranger, you are kind and you try to help them feel love by your actions. But you really don't risk anything.

Opening your heart to someone close makes you much more vulnerable. You really take a risk, because you don't know what they'll do to that exposed heart. But I decided it was worth the risk. I really had to work at it, and it was definitely a process--not an event.

I repeatedly went through the exercise of imagining my heart opening and softening--often I used that image of a peach pit, and pictured opening it up to reveal that soft inner part--the part that grows.


Reporting:

After a month of experimenting, we gathered at the publisher's office to meet with the author and discuss what I began to call our open heart experiences.There were about fifteen women of all ages and walks of life and we went around the circle, each sharing her feelings about the experiment.

What tender stories we shared. And the consensus was this--our hearts were changed. We were softer, more open, more warm, more peaceful.

Invariably, each woman found that it was hardest to have an open heart with someone in her life who was causing her pain or sadness. There were all sorts of difficult relationships: an aging mother-in-law, many struggling and wayward children, distant parents, ex-spouses. We all found that it was much easier to be open-hearted with strangers than it was with them.

But it was so interesting to hear the stories. What amazing things happened when we opened our hearts to them. Relationships were strengthened, communication improved, fences were mended. It was beautiful.

For me, I believe that what got me through the difficult years with my child were my efforts to have an open heart. The child knew that home was safe, and that I was always there, and I never stopped loving.

Now all these years later, we have a great relationship. This child got through those horrible years and came out on the other side as a wonderful, well-adjusted adult.

And I came through on the other side with an intact heart, softened by the whole experience, instead of hardened and bitter about it all.

I truly am changed, but I always have to work at it. My weakness is still getting myself too busy. It's not a natural easy thing for me to be open-hearted.

But each time I re-read this wonderful book, I'm reminded that having an open heart is how I want to be. And I'm determined to keep trying.


__________________________________

Tomorrow's
life-changing moment
is about a trip.
Hope to see you then!

life changing

I have been thinking lately
about life changing moments.

.




You know the kind I mean...
that exact moment,
or the end of an experience,
when you know
that from then on,
you will never be the same.

I've had a few of those experiences.

They don't come often.
But when they do come,
they profoundly impact
the rest of your life.

Life changing moments
can be amazing.

And they can also 
be painful sometimes...
because you know how we are.
We don't like change.

But I believe that there is
something good to be gained
from every change...
even (or especially)
when it is painful.

I guess it's
all in the way we look at it.

Do we allow the experience
to soften us,
to make us humble,
and cause us to reach out to God?

Or do we grow hard and bitter,
and ask, "Why me?"...
and turn our backs on Him?

_______________________

What do you think?
Have you had
moments in your life
that were life changing?

Did you embrace it...
or fight it tooth and nail?
.

_______________________________
 

Over the next few days,
I'm going to tell you
some of my
life changing moments.


The first one has to do
with a book,
the second with a trip,
and the third with a tiny baby.

I hope you'll come back
to find out what
it's all about!
.

.

_________________

Update: Click here
to read the one
I heard on the radio.